woke up with the strangest feeling of loss

like i was dreaming about something or someone i wanted

but i only remember the first part of the dream

where we were all on highways

5 people/racers? school of elegance, strawberry scented beauty

all going fast, like it was a game, glasses of whiskey breaking behind me like someone had run into them like a game item

at the was a bar, and we were all seoerately congratulated for how we contributed

and then we moved on as children, boarding another world or a plane

all 5 were children just entering grade 1 now

except i still had the knowledge i have now

our parents were around, my mom? she was in my dream, but i saw her differently, like the way i must have seen her when i was younger

the parents were showing off their child’s skills in the playroom and another kid was able to line up some numbers, and my mum gave me the same challenge

i, having the knowledge of a 21 year old, picked up the clips, they looked like pens with lids-shaped pegs, with the number written on the clip of the pen, and began assembling from 10 down to 1

because i strongly remember thinking to myself, i can change my past, i just need to be nice, be a good person, i can do my life over

outside of that area that seemed like it was floating, there was a shelf of like interactive ‘redeemable’ items

near it was a uniform shop

expensive uniforms

a friend needed to go in and get one

i was already wearing the skirt

she cane out of the dressing room looking super cute, she looked like rinko from the eraser live action

i woke up mid uniform shop with a sense of sad nostalgia that i can never do it over