pati79:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792…..4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me: 

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

me: So I managed to listen in on them for an hour through the air ducts

spy 2: and what did you learn?

me: Oh, nothing. I zoned out like five minutes into them talking.

I try to tell my team the way back to the enemy base, but I forgot the address and every time they ask which way to turn I do the L hand trick to remember left from right.

Yes these are exactly the scenarios I imagine when I watch spy movies and I think what I’d I was in that situation.